And with That Comes the Grief

Why am I still surprised that with every revelation I have, a wave of grief follows?

It is as reliable as the tides coming in and going out.

Tides, water, grief.

Makes sense.

Yesterday, an opening happened for me. It was here, with you. A vulnerability, a raw confession needed in order to step further into my true (defined by something deep inside me) life.

One thing I know from all my study, both academic and life learning, that with a step forward, something is always left behind.

Sometimes I can identify that thing, a thought, a story about who I am, what life is supposed to be - I see the source of my grief. But these days more and more, I just let myself feel it, let it wash through me like a rinse cycle, and if then some meaning or shape is revealed to me, then so be it.

As I step farther (further?) into my 60s, more and more I just want to be the tide ebbing and flowing.

And the wind, and the earth, and the possibility of the new bloom forming itself here quietly and diligently in the early spring.